This Week In Sports 3 (ramblings of the esquire)

HITTER OF THE WEEK -  Kendry Morales

.542 avg, 1.509 ops, 7 Rs, 3 HRs, 10 RBI, 0 SB

PITCHER OF THE WEEK -  John Danks

21 IP, 21 Ks, 2 Ws, 1.29 era, 0.86 whip, 3.50 k/bb

Week 3 Top Players

C - Kurt Suzuki 

1B - Kendry Morales

2B - Kelly Johnson

3B - Mark Reynolds

SS - Ryan Theriot

MI - Robinson Cano

CI - Paul Konerko 

OF - Ryan Braun, Colby Rasmus, Michael Bourn, Carl Crawford 

SP - John Danks, Brandon Morrow, Mike Pelfrey, Brad Penny, David Price

RP - Francisco Rodriguez, Matt Capps, Matt Lindstrom 

Week 3 Statistical Leaders

Runs - tie: Utley, Kemp, Span (8)

HR - Chase Utley (5)

RBI - Shin-Soo Choo (11)

SB - Andrew McCutchen (5)

AVG - Shin-Soo Choo (.579)

OPS - Shin-Soo Choo (1.891)

Wins - Brad Penny, etc. (2)

Ks - Brandon Morrow (16) 

Saves - Matt Lindstrom (4)

ERA - Mike Pelfrey (0.00) 

WHIP - Phil Hughes (0.41)

K/BB - Ricky Nolasco (INF)

Esquire's Week 2 MLB Power Rankings

1. Tampa Bay Rays 

2. Minnesota Twins

3. New York Yankees 

4. St. Louis Cardinals 

5. Philadelphia Phillies

6. Oakland Athletics 

7. Florida Marlins 

8. San Francisco

9. San Diego Padres 

10. Colorado Rockies

Thanks for taking the time to read, and now, on to the week in sports followed by my favorite pictures of the week and favorite videos of the week.

This week in sports we learned that the NFL Draft works pretty damn well with the new 3-day format, Ryan Howard can now afford about 100,000 high class escorts, King James is actually beatable in the playoffs (for a game at least) even though he's averaging almost a triple-double, Tim Tebow was worth a shot in the first round, Jimmy Clausen was not, Colt McCoy most definitely was not, the Thunder are so far ahead of the learning curve they're like the nerdy douchebag who gets A's in every class in high school - but in a very good way if you can understand that ha, Mark Teixeira still blows and it's almost May, I was right by predicting Jamal Crawford would win 6th Man of the Year, the NFL desperately needs a rookie salary scale, Phil Jackson doesn't give a shit what David Stern thinks, Lance Berkman must be a God because the Houston Astros have the league's best record since his return, Scott Skiles must be an amazing coach because his Bucks keep winning despite the loss of Bogut, the Rays are the MLB's best team, the Orioles are the worst, Pete Carroll knows as well as I do that Taylor Mays will be terrible in the NFL, and unfortunately Roy Halladay is human after all. 

Pictures Of The Week

There's something about the mixture of the boobs, the face, the eyes, the camera, the lingerie, and the cross that just screams - "I don't have high self esteem and I'm here for the taking." You gotta love girls like that 

Definitely fake. Definitely don't give a shit. Definitely can't stop staring. 

Personally I've always been into brunettes, and I'm now taken, but if I met her at the right time I'm guessin' she may have been able to change my mind

If this picture doesn't scream, "I'm a fake blonde Italian ho-bag who has a rich daddy and desires all the attention I can get," then for the life of me I don't know what does

It's good to be the King of Gainesville. "BIG things" come with that title. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say he finds a few more in Denver. 

Is this real?? If it is, it's fuckin' awesome. Better question - When's the last time you think he's seen his penis under that large roll of Sumo Fat?




Videos Of The Week

NO ONE slams it home like my man The Akron Hammer


Haha. I don't care about the NHL, and Ovechkin is a piece of shit, but this shit is hilarious



This is what you get for living in Pittsburgh


The best part of this is that the kid does not have even 1 friend around to help him. Where did he go once he figured out how to actually put the sandal on?



Who knew Chan Ho Park was such a comedian?



I'm hung up on this one. Would she make it easier to work out because she would inspire you, or harder to work out cause you can't stop staring at her (and kept needing to "sit down for a second")??? I'm thinkin' the latter.



Pretty excited for this movie to come out. Looks awesome. By the way, go see Kick Ass immediately!!




Damnnnn. Sick move by this kid.



At least this guy is persistent. That's a plus, right?





Volcanoes are pretty crazy

I HATE Fantasy Sports!

**Note from the Esquire**

-I wrote this article (more so a list of complaints) 2 years ago, but thought you may still enjoy it. That should help to explain some of the references. 

I Hate Fantasy Sports because you can blow your whole season on the Colts Defense putting up 24 points on you in your playoff game against an overmatched bitch of an opponent.

I Hate Fantasy Sports because I couldn’t fully enjoy the Eagles dismantling of the Giants because I was too concerned about Jordan Palmer’s (who?) next touchdown pass to the wrong fuckin’ team. 

         

I Hate Fantasy Sports because they make casual fans think certain players are better than they actually are.  

I Hate Fantasy Sports because you can have an amazing week during the playoffs in which you would have beaten any one of the other 10 teams in the league, handily I might add, and yet still get knocked out of the playoffs by the 1 team who outscores you.

                                                

I Hate Fantasy Sports because of people who think they are smart for picking Matt Forte when they clearly drafted him in the 7th round of their draft for the sole fact that he was the last starting running back available, not because they thought he was this year’s Adrian Peterson. 

I Hate Fantasy Sports because the highest high you can achieve is to be the 1 person out of 12 who doesn’t wanna jump out of a window while the normal feeling you get is a deep and utter depression from not winning when you “should” win. 

                                            

I Hate Fantasy Sports because for 5 months I had the best baseball team and yet my best player, Hanley Ramirez, got hurt 1 day into the championship week and I ended up losing by 2 hits and 1 RBI. 

I Hate Fantasy Sports because it forces me to root for players on the Giants, Cowboys, Mets, and Yankees.

    

I Hate Fantasy Sports because of the absolute certainty with which I routinely decide incorrectly between either one of two guys to start.

                                         

I Hate Fantasy Sports because of the people that give up after they lose a few games to start the season and end up fucking over the league. 

              

I Hate Fantasy Sports because I haven’t talked or eaten for over 24 hours since I realized I was gonna lose my fantasy basketball playoff game.

I Hate Fantasy Sports because no matter how much you watch or know about football, you could never in a million years predict that Peyton Hillis would have been the most productive rookie running back out of Arkansas, scoring more fantasy points than Darren McFadden and Felix Jones combined. 

             

I Hate Fantasy Sports because my 78-year-old Grandmother who thinks that Adrian Peterson is the girl from down the street, could pick up a fantasy magazine, look at it for 20 minutes, and then draft a better team than me.

                 

I Hate Fantasy Sports because it takes up a ridiculous amount of my time that could be much better used working to make money. 

I Hate Fantasy Sports because they employ Matthew Berry.

I Hate Fantasy Sports because even when you know the most, it rarely matters. 

I Hate Fantasy Sports because of the old-school sports writers who refer to people who play fantasy as, “fantasy nerds,” and yet still think their ancient opinion is relevant to the up-and-coming generation of sports fans.

                              

I Hate Fantasy Sports because of the 25 time consuming emails I receive on a weekly basis with completely craptastic trade offers from someone in my league. Or even worse, time consuming emails from members of my league complaining about a rule they don’t like and turning it into the biggest problem of all time.

And most of all, I Hate Fantasy Sports because I Love them wayyyy too much to ever stop playing.