I HATE Fantasy Sports!

**Note from the Esquire**

-I wrote this article (more so a list of complaints) 2 years ago, but thought you may still enjoy it. That should help to explain some of the references. 

I Hate Fantasy Sports because you can blow your whole season on the Colts Defense putting up 24 points on you in your playoff game against an overmatched bitch of an opponent.

I Hate Fantasy Sports because I couldn’t fully enjoy the Eagles dismantling of the Giants because I was too concerned about Jordan Palmer’s (who?) next touchdown pass to the wrong fuckin’ team. 

         

I Hate Fantasy Sports because they make casual fans think certain players are better than they actually are.  

I Hate Fantasy Sports because you can have an amazing week during the playoffs in which you would have beaten any one of the other 10 teams in the league, handily I might add, and yet still get knocked out of the playoffs by the 1 team who outscores you.

                                                

I Hate Fantasy Sports because of people who think they are smart for picking Matt Forte when they clearly drafted him in the 7th round of their draft for the sole fact that he was the last starting running back available, not because they thought he was this year’s Adrian Peterson. 

I Hate Fantasy Sports because the highest high you can achieve is to be the 1 person out of 12 who doesn’t wanna jump out of a window while the normal feeling you get is a deep and utter depression from not winning when you “should” win. 

                                            

I Hate Fantasy Sports because for 5 months I had the best baseball team and yet my best player, Hanley Ramirez, got hurt 1 day into the championship week and I ended up losing by 2 hits and 1 RBI. 

I Hate Fantasy Sports because it forces me to root for players on the Giants, Cowboys, Mets, and Yankees.

    

I Hate Fantasy Sports because of the absolute certainty with which I routinely decide incorrectly between either one of two guys to start.

                                         

I Hate Fantasy Sports because of the people that give up after they lose a few games to start the season and end up fucking over the league. 

              

I Hate Fantasy Sports because I haven’t talked or eaten for over 24 hours since I realized I was gonna lose my fantasy basketball playoff game.

I Hate Fantasy Sports because no matter how much you watch or know about football, you could never in a million years predict that Peyton Hillis would have been the most productive rookie running back out of Arkansas, scoring more fantasy points than Darren McFadden and Felix Jones combined. 

             

I Hate Fantasy Sports because my 78-year-old Grandmother who thinks that Adrian Peterson is the girl from down the street, could pick up a fantasy magazine, look at it for 20 minutes, and then draft a better team than me.

                 

I Hate Fantasy Sports because it takes up a ridiculous amount of my time that could be much better used working to make money. 

I Hate Fantasy Sports because they employ Matthew Berry.

I Hate Fantasy Sports because even when you know the most, it rarely matters. 

I Hate Fantasy Sports because of the old-school sports writers who refer to people who play fantasy as, “fantasy nerds,” and yet still think their ancient opinion is relevant to the up-and-coming generation of sports fans.

                              

I Hate Fantasy Sports because of the 25 time consuming emails I receive on a weekly basis with completely craptastic trade offers from someone in my league. Or even worse, time consuming emails from members of my league complaining about a rule they don’t like and turning it into the biggest problem of all time.

And most of all, I Hate Fantasy Sports because I Love them wayyyy too much to ever stop playing.